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They Know What I Am

from Gallus​/​i​/​ae by Without History

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Quotation at the beginning from Ovid, Fasti, Book IV

lyrics

She desired him to serve her, and protect her temple,
And said: “Wish you might be a boy forever.”
He promised to be true, and said: “If I’m lying
May the love I fall in be my last love.”
He did fail [...]
Attis was maddened, and thinking his chamber’s roof
Was falling, fled for the summit of Mount Dindymus.
Now he cried: “Remove the torches”, now he cried:
“Take the whips away”: often swearing he saw the Furies.
He tore at his body too with a sharp stone,
And dragged his long hair in the filthy dust,
Shouting: “I deserved this! I pay the due penalty
In blood! Ah! Let the parts that harmed me perish!
Let them perish!” cutting away the burden of his groin
And suddenly bereft of every mark of manhood.
His madness set a precedent
(Ovid, Fasti, Book IV)

The market is no place for the fear in my eyes
The market is no place for my kind at all
Braids ripped loose and clothes torn open
Flat chest and rouged cheeks for all to see
Half man and half exile
An ass fucked faggot with no place to go
Kept like a woman by a man with coin to spare
Before his fists drove me away.

I'll always deserve this
They know
They see me

Long hair and red cheeks and plucked face and smooth chest
I feel like a lie pulled into being
Broken since childhood, cocksucker all manhood
A collection of holes to be used without care
He beat me and the blows felt like kisses
More than I deserve and better than I can earn
Cast into the gutter, a leaking obsession
A cum dump with bruises fit only for worms.
They know what I am
They know what I am

They see me they hate me they know me they fear me they touch me they hate me they beat me

To know is to kill

Can't hide from myself, can't hide from the others
A creeping despair, I know myself covered
In shame and in filth and the handprints of real men
A half girl disgusting and fit to be burned
Fit to be burned

This marketplace should be the death of me

credits

from Gallus​/​i​/​ae, released February 23, 2024

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Without History Wales, UK

Without History is one trans girl, her bass guitars and her looper. Exploring trans history through neofolk and post punk inspired music these songs try to imagine the lives of our trans ancestors in all their messy queer detail.

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